ATTENTION: New blog

To all those wonderful followers and readers of this blog [haha not that there are many or anything..] we have decided to use a new blog for various reasons. I will no longer be posting on this one as a result. We would LOVE to continue to have you visit our new blog to stay up to date with our life and happenings, so I will post the link both here and on facebook. Our new blog can be found at pinedasplanted.blogspot.com and we hope to see and hear from you all there. Sending lots of love your way!

Looking Forward

Today is a simple good day. The fact that it is one of Lester's days off makes that kinda a give in, but right now I am clinging to the basic good days of normalcy. I like that me and Addy are beginning to find a routine and I feel like I am very slowly, but surely starting to gain control of my new, wonderful, ever changing life.

I have banana bread w/ Ghirardelli chocolate chips in baking in the oven. I'm covered in a fuzzy blanket with new episodes of Psych on. I have just finished feeding, burping, changing and cuddling her to sleep successfully. I have finished the laundry and the dishes. I am actually showered, dressed and feeling not sick. I have journaled and made goals to help the things that I am struggling with be more endurable. I have talked with family and friends. I have candles burning, and we have Christmas decorations up. I have my Mom coming on Saturday to look forward to, some time off to spend with Lester and hopefully a visit to Texas, and then a visit home to bless our sweet baby.

Best of all, I have people who love and care for me and my beautiful family, with a gospel I believe in to sustain me in the hard times. I don't think I am 100% in the clear yet. I don't think I've ever gone through any kind of real depression, and this whole baby blues syndrome [or whatever it is] is something I never could have fathomed before. I also think that when you are pregnant, you think to yourself 'after the baby comes, and things get back to normal..'but then, you do have your miracle baby, and you realize that things will never 'go back' to the way they were before. They will always be different-you are parents now and that can be overwhelming. But then you realize one day as you smell the banana bread cooking and think about your new life that you would never, ever want it to go back to how it was before, even if it is incredibly hard at times.

So, since right now I am feeling good, I am going to look forward. I am going to cherish this moment and do everything I can to feel that way more often, and not be hard on myself even when I do feel down. Its always darkest before the dawn right? Right.

PS: I hope anyone who reads this blog doesn't feel like I am ungrateful for the incredible family I have. Lester and Addy are the best things that have ever happened to me without question, and I love them more then anything. Writing these feelings and experiences I am having just helps me to see through the veil of this depression, [which apparently up to 80% of women experience] and see things for what they really are..a blessing.

PPS: I am adding pictures of Addy because lets face it she's adorable!]

[Believe it or not, these are her 'contented' lips haha..she always makes them right after she's eaten and changed!]

 

 [look at those cheeks!!!]

[more contented lips here..]

The Swaddler

Like most babies, Addy sometimes gets fussy. For the most part she isn't the most difficult baby but the other day and night, she was very unhappy to the point that all three of us were feeling it haha. I was at my breaking point when Lester finally got home from work. Everyone had told us how important swaddling was, but every time we tried it with her she broke out or cried. So when he brought home a special swaddler thing, I was doubtful to say the least. But good news-it works! While we put her in it, she fusses, but it eventually always puts her to sleep. Plus, she looks SO cute in it haha. Its been about a week now, and we are loving it. There are still times where she is fussy and I feel like I need 5 more hands to do everything, but I am SO so so grateful for the swaddler haha.

 [she can't fight it even when she tries-look at that BIG yawn!]

 [and, a few short minutes later-here she is-almost out!]

Needed

Lester and I started dating when we were kids. We would often make fun plans and dream big and sing 'Wouldn't It Be Nice?' by the Beach Boys and think about when we were older. It all seemed too wonderful to think that all those things could come true...

but good news...THEY DID! We had our separate adventures, traveled, lived, learned, then got married and now have had our own sweet, beautiful, darling little baby! Sure, there are moments where sleep seems like a far gone memory and my emotions are a bit shot. But oh-when I hold her my entire world stops. In those sweet, unconditionally loving eyes and perfect little body are every single one of my teenage dreams come true. She is my whole world. Everything starts and ends with her and I want nothing more then to do right by her and Lester. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed that someone needs me that much-like there are so many ways to do the wrong thing or mess up. I'm finding guilt is a constant companion for a new Mom in the midst of the baby blues-guilt because I didn't pick her up fast enough, guilt when I can't sleep because I want to make sure every single breathe she takes is just right, or guilt when I'm just not perfect.

But as I am starting to feel better every day and see things more clearly, I realize that of anyone, she loves me no matter what I do and her needs are being met. She will not judge me or hold it against me if her outfit isn't matching, or if my hair is a mess. She loves me and she needs me, just as I love her and need her to make me a better more humble, Christlike person. This experience is also revealing my own needs-more then ever I find myself needing the love and support of my family, and my own Momma. It doesn't matter if I am a world away, or if I feel alone. My Mom succors my needs and tells me all the things I so desperately need to hear. I think when you leave home, you think you've reached adulthood officially-like you'll miss your Mom, but you won't need her as much. But if anything, I'm realizing you need your Mom more then ever-and that you always will. I hope with all my heart that I can be even half the Momma mine is to me. I'm also realizing the true love a parent has for child, and the love my Father and Savior must have for me. My sweet husband gave me a blessing the other day, and in it I was reminded that if anyone knows how I'm feeling, it is my Savior. I always thought it was just a funny fact that Christ was the only naturally born man in the world who knows how it is to be pregnant since he felt the pains of all the world. But now I know how much I needed that-he knows my heart and how hard it was, and is now, and because of that he knows my needs and is sending the resources to meet them. Any other needs I have are also being met by the support of extended family, friends and my church. I am so just so blessed and even though its hard its also so much better then I could have ever imagined.

Adjusting

So far, being a Mom is the best, most wonderful thing I've ever done. It is also the most difficult, draining and scary thing I have ever done in my life. I love it and I love her and Lester more then anything in the whole world-still, I am hoping that sometime soon it will get easier and that I will be able to fill all these new roles I have. I'm sure much of it has to do with my hormones trying to regulate themselves. And with the fact that I still have yet to make friends here. And that I am more homesick then I ever have been in my whole life. And that I still haven't fully recovered from the PUPPP. And that I'm tired all the time. I imagine, when some of these things are eliminated, I will be better able to see things clearly. And I do have faith that they will eventually.

Regardless, every time I cuddle with her, or am in one of Lester's arms with her in the other I can't help but feeling that it is all worth it. And then of course you'll find me crying again-but at least at those times its happy tears, not overwhelmed ones. I look forward to when there are more of those and none of the others. 

Life is good, and I will adjust as always....hopefully sooner rather then later. 

 [one of the peaceful moments that make it all worth it :)]

My Little Adelaide

I thought I would take this chance to blog about our miracle while Lester has Addy falling asleep with him. On Monday, Oct. 22nd we were set to be induced. I had been having hard, consistent contractions for about 24 hours before that, so we ended up getting there a bit early, but they had our room all ready and waiting for us. My first 2 nurses got us all set up and ready for what was coming, and talked with us as they got us ready. I can't say enough how impressed we were with this hospital and all its workers. Each of them treated us like we were rock stars and they were genuine, while completely knowledgeable and on top of things. The best part was that each nurse was assigned exclusively to one patient-so there was never a time I had to wait to long or feel bad for taking mine away from someone else. It was awesome. Any ways, very shortly after this, my Doctor came in and broke my water. I was surprised that it didn't hurt at all-just felt weird haha-but shortly after this they started the pitocin to help my already mounting contractions. By the time I got my epidural about 35 minutes later, I was wondering how people did this all natural haha. But once that was set, things were awesome. Slow-but awesome. I was even able to take a nap to make up for the night before, when the contractions a had been to hard to let me sleep at all. We played games, watched some TV [GO GIANTS!] talked, and waited. FOREVER. Haha or at least it felt like it. I actually got stuck at a 9 for a few hours, which was really frustrating because I was feeling like I needed to push during that time, but there was still a thin layer of cervix that was preventing that. Finally, the Doctor decided we would use the vacuum to get her moving. I was really nervous for this, but it was getting to the point where for her sake, she needed to come out. We had gotten there at 7AM and it was 9:30PM. The doctor had me start pushing-the part I had been dreading. And two big pushes later he said Woah there, stop..because those two alone had done it! Haha all the nurses, doctors etc gave me major props for this and I have to admit, I took it. I mean c'mon, epidural or not I just pushed a human out of me! She was 7 lbs 13 oz, 20 inches and beautiful.

They wiped her up a bit, they immediately put her on my chest. All the pain, all the worries, the months of difficulties immediately became worth it when I saw my daughter. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and Lester and I made her. It was an amazing experience. After about 15 minutes of this I realized they were still working on me down there-bc of the epidural I didn't feel it thank goodness haha! Eventually things calmed down a bit, and it got to be me, my sweet baby and amazing husband just bonding. I ended up tearing a bit in the lower region, so after being in recovery for a few hours, they moved us over to the mother-baby wing of the hospital where they had an even nicer room for the three of us. Yet another awesome thing about this hospital is that they never take the baby out of the room- they do everything there in front of you so the baby is close at all times. Ultimately, we were there for 2 days just recovering and enjoying being a family. It was perfect and I almost wish we had stayed longer haha.

Since being home, there have been ups and downs. There are times when she has gas and that makes her hysterical with crying, and her schedule is crazy. But other then that, she is an easy baby. She is adorable, attentive, cries rarely and is everything we wanted and more. We are in love with her and we just cant get enough.

I am still recovering-a side effect of the epidural is severe swelling, and the PUPPP has come back hard core which sucks. But the doctor says he thinks this is because its fighting since its leaving my body. Over the course of the next 10 days to 2 weeks it should go away. But even if it doesn't I have my sweet baby girl to keep me company through it-and there is no better person to do this for!

Anyways-so this is the story of how our sweet baby girl came into the world!

The Dog Days Are Over

Yesterday was a good day for multiple reasons. For one thing, it was our last official doctor appointment for this pregnancy-ever! Hooray! Haha, not only that, but it was a good appointment. I am currently dilated to a 2.5 which is GREAT for several reasons. For one, that means she could still surprise us and come any day now, which is good. But even if she doesn't I am super happy because we are on the doctors and hospitals schedule officially for 7:30 AM Monday morning. Plus, because I am dilated some already, my doctor says I can start the epidural the second I get there! Do you hear me? That means if I am being induced, they will start the pitocin and I can have the epidural right away and not feel any super painful contractions-I will for sure feel pressure he says, but hopefully just enough to know what to do with my body and when to push. WOO HOO! I hope people won't judge me for not trying to go natural-I admire the women who do that immensely, but I know and am comfortable enough with myself to take them up on this. Haha of course, the Braxton Hicks and PUPPP may have swayed my decision in this a bit-but I figure this way rather then focusing on the pain from that and of course contractions, I will in my case be able to be more present for this labor and that is something I want as we bring our little baby into the world. Every second I can.

Another reason yesterday was awesome is I got to spend the whole day with Lester! All EMT/paramedics here do four days on, 3 days off, and as you know Lester has had the night shift meaning even on his days off he is out most of the day. But every ones schedules have changed, and he now has the day shift! This means that not only do I get to spend some time with him after work, and sleep with him at nights, but during his days off we can actually play during the day! SO EXCITED! So, after our appointment we ran some errands, and then headed to the Museum of Osteology which we had heard good things about. When we first arrived, we were both a little skeptical. It was ALOT smaller then we imagined, and just not what we expected. But we decided to try it out anyways and we are both SO glad we did. They had hundreds of species of animals [and other things..] with fun little games and cool information. I learned so much and was seriously in awe at some of the things they had. I think Lester's favorite one we saw was the full African Elephant skeleton. I personally was amazed at the largest whale skeleton they had. Even standing beneath it, I would have fit in one small cavity of its stomach, with room for about 10, 15 more people. It was insane. They had lots of other cool things to-I had no idea how many different species of monkeys there were for example-and although they all look similar, they all have significant differences to. The spider monkeys for example were SO freaky with their large teeth and jutting claws and jaws. Yikes. They also had human skulls and full skeletons, dating back millions of years ago. It was interesting to see the differences between how we used to look and how we do now-and also some of the ethnic differences skeletally speaking. Anyways, you name it, they had it. In fact I think some time I will do another exotic animal post on some animals we saw there, bc there were at least 12 different animals I had never even heard of. Anyways, it was amazing and I'm so glad we went.

Afterwards, we headed to lunch at Bdubs [can't get enough of those Parmesan garlic wings man!] and headed back home. We spent the rest of the night talking, cleaning, cooking, and watching things like The Giants Game [winner winner chicken dinner!] and Pearle Harbor. It was the best whole day I've had in a long time and I loved every second of it! Now lets hope the rest of this week goes as well so Monday will feel like its coming faster! TTFN!

 [this is one of the many species of monkeys they have..]

 [these skulls start from fetal to adult and are pretty recent]

 [this is a dolphin! how cool is that!]

 [Its Sid the Sloth! Haha-but seriously this is a two toed sloth!]

 [Ah these guys were staring straight at us-spider monkeys-I kept thinking what a nightmare this would be if they came back to life!]

 [Chances are you have experience with one of these guys-can you guess what it is?]

 [giraffe!]

 [Lester and I with the elephant]

 [another angle of the elephant]

 [the whale I was talking about]

 [don't know if you can read this, but sharks don't have bones-mostly just cartilage! crazy!]

 [birds duh]

 [rattlesnake]

[this was a separate African Elephant head]

You Said It Best Lucille Bluth!

I am going to post this here because I want to vent/laugh really quick without all that crazies coming out of the woodwork and yelling at me.

All I can think of when I go online and see the uproar people are in about politics is of an Arrested Development quote. In encountering some people she doesn't agree with or understand at all, Lucille Bluthe says "Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire!!" I crack up every time I hear this because it is so ironic. But you know what I am realizing after reading all these political facebook posts and commentary? This is how most of the Republicans I know feel about Democrats, and how most Democrats I know feel about Republicans! They get so caught up in being upset and disgusted with each other, that they end up resorting to the same silly, petty, and ugly comments/actions they accuse each other of! Its like the pot calling the kettle black and its both hilarious and sad!

I  suppose I am one of those swing voters who is still undecided. I think both Romney AND Obama are good men and they both have good things and bad things about their policies and campaigns. I am willing to listen to both, and when it is time to vote I will make my decision and probably keep it to myself. To be honest, I think its great if you have firm political opinions with reasons to back them. I support and applaud you for that. I just think the way we argue matters-I know I quote this all the time, but we can disagree without being disagreeable. Name calling, petty predictions, character muckraking etc is wrong if anyone does it-I think especially Christians and I find myself very disappointed and disillusioned when people do that. I think people need to think about what they say, and how they say it and remember that being Christlike should apply EVEN in politics. If Christ disagreed with any of these men and women, would he approach them in these ways? I say a firm and resounding no. He may continue to disagree with them, but he would try to understand them, and not attack them. He would also not tell them, "If you don't like it, get out!" as Elder Ballard, and apostle in my church, says in this talk. We should try to love and support everyone, regardless of our differences. If you call yourself a Christian, remember that Christ's gospel is one of love. Love thy neighbor-like it or not, both of these men and their families are your neighbors-disagree with them all you want, but don't resort to means beneath your Christianity. And even if you aren't Christian, we are ALL capable of practicing a doctrine of inclusion or at least tolerance and kindness.

Anyways, I have just seen SOOOOO many people lately saying doomsday-ish things. Like about how if one candidate gets elected, our country will basically cease to exist-like it will just implode from the sheer wrongness of its leader. I have heard the same arguments for the other sides-like if so and so gets elected me and my fellow constitutes will secede from the country! We will leave! When I hear these things, it saddens and confuses me. I love this part in the talk I referred to above, "If neighbors become testy or frustrated because of some disagreement....please don’t suggest to them—even in a humorous way—that they consider moving someplace else. I cannot comprehend how any...can even think such a thing! Our pioneer ancestors were driven from place to place by uninformed and intolerant neighbors. They experienced extraordinary hardship and persecution because they thought, acted, and believed differently from others. If our history teaches us nothing else, it should teach us to respect the rights of all people to peacefully coexist with one another." 

I think it will be interesting to see where we are in 4 years, regardless of who the President is, and really see what predictions came true. My guess is most of us will still be alive and well either way.

Anyways, I just had to get this all out my system. Forgive me for this is you disagree, and continue to seek out what truths you believe in and be happy! I know that I will be following the Giants and 49ers and getting baby girls fan wear ready-so I will be happy haha! Love and peace to EVERYONE, democrat, republican, independent, mormon, jew, atheist, caucasion, african american, asian, skinny, curvy, tall, short, giants, even dodgers fans or just WHATEVER! Let us all be happy with what we have! I'm just so happy it makes me want to-set myself on fire! HAHA!

PS: I really encourage everyone to read the above linked talk, whether LDS or not. It emulates many of my beliefs and I would love to share that with many of you. Feel free to ask me any questions/comments regarding that specifically if you have any!

Pop's Soda for Luke's Bday!

My brother Luke's 11th bday is almost over, and I can't help but feel amazed that he is already such an old man! I remember when my parents told us they were pregnant. I was 13 and being a bratty teen, I though WHAT? That is impossible! We had been a family of 'The Hanaike Girls' for so long that I thought adding another little lady to the family would be crazy-would this new sibling even know who I was or care? Or would I be that weird distant sister that this kid didn't really have a relationship with?

When Luke finally was born, it was love at first sight. He surprised us all by being a he, and he has brought our family so much closer,  filling our home full of his fun and craziness. I had no need to worry about him not knowing me-despite the fact that I left for college when he was about 5 or 6, we have always continued to be very very close. We share a love for things like reading, baking, combat and so much more and we talk often. I can honestly say he is one of my best friends and I love that I can still say that!

Anyways, pretty soon, Luke will go from being one of the best brothers, in law, sons, and friends to one of the best uncles! I can't think of a more qualified 11 year old to  be so, and I'm so glad he is willing to share his birthday month with her.

Because it is Monday, I believe my family celebrated his day this weekend. While I was jealous [and a little tempted to photo shop myself into their pictures to pretend I was there], Lester and I thought we would just do something fun in honor of him today, on his actual birthday. So, we went to the actual Route 66, where they have a place called Pop's with over 100 flavors and brands of soda. It reminded me of the movie Cars, which I used to watch with Luke years ago. We weren't super adventurous-we tried 4 kinds-orange cream, guava, birch and butterscotch root beer. All were delicious and it was lots of fun. We then ate at some mediocre buffet and ended our night by watching Taken 2 at a theatre with the most comfortable seats and biggest screen Lester and I have ever tried.

Anyways, it was a fun night, and we want to thank Luke for being born so we could have an excuse to enjoy ourselves! LOVE YOU and happy birthday boy!

 [Like I said, they had lots of flavors-good ones, and NASTY sounding ones haha!] 

[this is the outside of Pop's-I guess at night its all lit up! I wish I had gotten one of Lester but he was manning the camera dang it!]

[some old pictures with me and my favorite brother!]