Stop This Train

I have had the privilege of growing up with my grandparents close, both physically and emotionally. For this I have been blessed a million times over. So several years ago when my Grandpa fell ill, I began to prepare myself for the day when he passed thinking it would be the worst day ever. Well, although it has been much later then I thought it would, today that time came. I think that often time people prepare themselves for when a loved one dies, but not for when a loved one lives-especially long enough to deteriorate and die slowly. So for this reason among others, I have found that rather then full of sadness I feel full of gratitude, contentment and excitement for him. My Grandpa was a great man, full of life and vitality, and now he gets to be that yet again.
He is going home, to a better place to be reunited with much of his family and friends that he hasn't seen for decades. The world was a better place for him, and I know this heaven will be to.
Having had had years of time to watch him linger, often in pain was rough. But in my experience, he never once lost his perspective, positive attitude or mind-all of which have been rocks to me in times where I've felt bad for myself even though he had it much worse. That’s why I remember the first time I heard this song-because at least for me it defined mine and my Grandpa's relationship, as well as his example to me. There have been so many times in life where I feel weighed down-as if all I wanted in the whole world was to say 'Stop this train. I wanna get off and go home again.' As if its all just too much and all I want is a break from this life and this world. But then I think about conversations or experiences I've had with him and the lessons he taught me. I can almost hear him saying these words to me when I've confided my feelings in him,

"So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
Tried honestly we'll never stop this train"

If anybody ever wanted to stop this train I'm sure it was him at some point or another-but he understood that its not up to us and so he continued to live life to the best of his ability and make the most of it. That whether we want to or not we'll never stop this train and that is not a sad thing-it is a wonderful thing. And someday we'll look back and realize that were glad we couldn't or didn't. Because every moment is precious-and when the day comes when our train reaches its destination and stops on its own, we will be grateful for every second and every person we've had the opportunity to know and serve. That’s how my grandpa lived his life-he lived it even when it wasn't easy and did his best to be happy about it and to serve other people.

Anyways-I know everyone reacts to things like death differently and I've even heard that this song makes some people sad. But I love it. And I love my Grandpa and the person he was and is. I am happy he is home now. I'm happy I know that we will see each other again because our family is forever. I'm glad his train has reached its destination and that that he showed me how wonderful my own train ride can be. Rest in peace Grandpa. I love you and am so happy for you!