I was sitting, waiting, wishing..

You know how when your really excited and waiting for something, it seems to take about a bajillion years to come? Especially as the impending date gets closer and closer? Like, how the last two weeks of a semester feel almost longer then the semester as a whole? Does that make any sense? That is how I feel right now!

On June 7th we find out if this little one is a boy or a girl, and somehow the closer it gets the farther it seems! I just want to know! Right now I feel like I'm stuck in this, 'its real, but you can't fully start planning out fun things, like a baby room, or clothes, or picking names' phase. Which really stinks, because I am a planner I tell you! I like to plan! I am already making plans on how I am going to plan out these plans, because I can't make real plans until I find out the gender! Arghhh!

I guess I also feel like I don't know what to call this baby till then. Sure theres 'baby', but after a certain point that gets redundant-and its an endearing term for a lover, so thats weird too. But then you also don't want to just say 'it'-somehow that just seems so derogatory. And years ago Dad told me the word kid is actually the technical term for a baby goat! I refuse to have a baby goat I tell you! Sigh. My life is just so hard.

But on June 7th, that will all change. Then, I will hopefully know and my planning woes will be alleviated. And then all I will be waiting for is our summer break, going home, and eventually moving to Oklahoma and you know-giving birth. Can't wait!

PS: Lester is 99% sure it is a boy he says. I am not sure either way. Tell us your guess, and if you are right and in the same vicinity as us, we will try to make you a treat as a reward! Good luck!

Jesus Says

One of my favorite quotes ever is from the book "To Kill A Mockingbird." Scout has been able to read for as long as she could remember-she can't ever remember learning how, it was just something she did. Every night, her Father and her would read a little bit together before she would go to bed. Eventually, in going to school, her teacher tells her this must stop, as she is too far ahead of the other kids and she needs to be taught in the proper way. Scout is heartbroken. She says, 

"Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing."

I've since thought about this quote many times. I think that Scout is exactly right. Breathing is not something one thinks about-its something a person is doing constantly. It is simple, and it is basic. You don't need to think about it or appreciate it. Yet, without it, one cannot live. It is one the most basic, but essential things the human body needs and does in order to survive. But when one cannot do it, it seems to be the only thing you can dwell on.

Whenever I hear or think of this quote I am reminded of how I should not take these things for granted. To breath is a gift. Reading is a huge blessing-and the incredible material that we have out there is endless and inspiring. Now that I am not in school, it is something I am able to do again daily. It improves my mind, my heart and even helps in some of my relationships with family and friends. Yet if there is one area I have to improve upon it is in reading the scriptures. 

George Albert Smith said, "All the truth that is necessary for our salvation, is contained in the lids of the books that I have already enumerated. We may not possess a library of 2 or 3 thousand volumes, but we may possess at a small cost a priceless library that has cost the best blood that has ever been in this world." He goes on to say that even if we were forced to throw away every single book ever written that other then the scriptures, that we would still have everything we could possibly need to guide us in this life. Again, I am guilty of not being as diligent as I should in my scriptures reading. But I agree wholeheartedly with what he said. Only in the scriptures do we get to hear things in the voice and the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and in our Heavenly Father. Think about it. There are parts where it it reads 'And Jesus said.." Jesus said. This is not a quote. This is not a paraphrase. This is as if Jesus Christ, our Brother and the Savior of the world, is sitting across from us talking to our face. As if we could reach out and touch him. Jesus says. To me, the relationship I gain with my Savior from reading the scriptures is the most valuable thing I can hope to attain from any book, anywhere and anytime.  

Anyways, these were just things that were on my mind today as we had our lesson in church. Someday, when Lester and I are old, we have a dream of having a beautiful, gigantic library, much like the one in Beauty & the Beast. But I know that even if it doesn't live up to these expectations of grandeur, our library will always consist of the books that matter. Ones of fantasy, adventure, mystery, dreams, magic, growth, life lessons, science and other things. But most importantly, we have will have books of truth. The ones that tell us what Jesus says, what God hopes and wants for us, and how we can achieve true happiness in this life. 

Mother's Day 2012

Today is Mother's Day. Which has always meant for I get to show my gratitude and love for all the amazing women in my life who have helped raise me, teach me and love me. For that reason alone I love it.

But for the first time, it is actually kinda sorta applicable to me! Or at least so my husband and sweet family and friends tell me. I have talked before however about how typically Lester and I tend to forget to do sweet things for each there on holidays like this, Valentines Day, etc. So about a week ago when Lester asked, "Now that we are pregnant, do I have to get you something?" I honestly had forgotten..so I told him he didn't before, but now that he reminded me he would haha!

Fast forward to yesterday, when he had a 24 hr shift. He left at 8:00am and didn't get back until this morning at 8:00am. Again, I had forgotten that today was Mother's Day, and I knew he'd only be home for about an hr before he had to head out again for more meetings. So I wasn't expecting anything. But my AMAZING husband came in smiling and awake, despite his long day and night before, and was so happy to give me a gift card to a day spa! Not only did he remember the holiday, but he also listened to me when I said my lower back had been hurting! Which is why he got me this gift..to get a massage so my back would feel better. HE IS THE BEST!

I've heard a quote that best thing a Father can do for his children is to love their mother. Believing this is true, I know that our kids will have the best Dad in the whole world, because he loves me so well!

To all you Mother's out there, Happy Mothers Day! I hope it was spent in relaxation with lots of the love you so clearly deserve! 

Seriously, how did I get so lucky with all these ppl in my life?

These Days

Well, I don't really have anything exciting to say. But I don't know when I will, so I might as well record whats going on with us.

I am now in my second trimester, and feeling over all a lot better and more myself. I am no longer nauseous all the time, and I have quite a but more energy which is nice. Of course, I have traded old some symptoms for new ones, like intense lower back pain [which I thought wouldn't start till later] and occasional migraines, but over all I am liking everything now a lot better, and I think the baby is to. Its exciting bc for the first time the other day I am pretty sure I felt the actual baby move not just my organs and what not haha. I love this little monster of ours. 

As a result of this renewed energy, I have been able to go back to work. This has been nice both for our finances but also my sanity. Lester is busier then ever these days, and I was starting to go a little stir crazy over here by myself. Its funny because while I don't really ever look forward to working the job I do, and I do like having something to do and a way to contribute to our family while I am still able to. So that has been a plus over all. Plus Lester and I are both excelling, and getting a few small bonuses or what not here and there. So thats good.

I've also been cooking and baking a little bit more again. Nowhere near as much as I used to, but still some, which is an improvement. I made some cookies and cream cupcakes the other day and decorated them all cute, and they were a huge hit. It felt so good to be able to both eat them, and get a little ego boost with people being impressed my them. I just enjoy baking, and I didn't realize how much I missed it till I couldn't. Over all, its just nice to actually be able to eat again, but I think I've kinda done a but of a 180 with that. At my first doctors appointment, I had lost 3 lbs since I went in and found out I was pregnant. At my second [which was about two weeks ago] I found I had lost 5 more lbs. The doctor said that he wouldn't be too concerned because of how sick I was and how well the baby was doing, but he expects me to be gaining a lot more weight this trimester, now that I am feeling better and the baby should be getting a lot bigger. At first, I was worried about making that happen, but now that I want to eat almost everything in sight, I am worried I will gain way to much weight haha! Whatever.

As I said, Lester has been very busy. He spends every week day at school, then either has a hospital shift, fire station shift [meaning he is doing ambulance rides], work, or bishopric meeting/duties. He is truly one of the hardest workers I know and he doesn't complain, no matter how tired he is or how much attention I need when he gets home. He still makes me and our family the priority, and I can feel that and I don't know how I scored such an incredible husband. He really is my dream come true.

Hm, what else? I've been making more friends in my ward and getting closer to some old friends, which has been WONDERFUL. I even have two close friends who offered to throw me a baby shower while I'm here-it will probably be sometime in July, and I am both flattered and excited! Erica and I have been friends for almost two years now, and she has been one of the funnest, craziest, and compassionate girls I know! I know we will be friends for years to come. I don't know why, but I don't think guys fully understand how women sincerely NEED other women sometimes. Lester gives me everything I want and more, but he is gone a majority of the times these days, and that is hard. But without fail, almost every day I have some friend or another who calls or visits or wants to hang out, and I feel like that has definitely been a tender mercy Heavenly Father has sent me right now. Especially Ms. Brittney. I was worried when Lester's best guy friend said he was bringing over a new girl, but from the second I met her I knew she was the perfect yin to his yang. She has laughed with me [sometimes at me haha, and visa versa], let me be a baby and cry sometimes, and just checked on me daily, all while not making me feel like a pain her butt, and it has meant the world to me. I guess I just feel that sometimes, a girl just needs to feel completely understood and validated, and no one does that better then a good girlfriend. So this Sunday when Lester is doing a 24 hr shift, I think I'm going to have a girls night and have a bunch of ladies over just for fun.

Well this has been a lot longer then I anticipated but this is all whats going on with us. I suppose I will blog when something exciting happens next. Until then!

PS: Did I ever mention that we find out on June 7th what gender the baby is? Mark that on your calendars  peeps-I know we have!

Call Me Maybe

About a week ago, I heard this super corny song. You've probably all heard it, and I'm sure many of you hate it. But no matter how you feel, there is no denying that is is one catchy tune! Its called 'Call Me Maybe'.

In over analyzing why I like this teen song, and not others, I realize that its because I remember being there. That age where I was a teenager and thought EVERY single feeling I had was the biggest, most important thing in the whole world, like if so and so invited me to her sleepover or not, or if Lester was flirting with me because he liked me or because he was just a little playa. My cares were so much smaller, but still so significant to me, like in this silly little song.

Lester says to this day that he was in for the long game. At first, he made me think he was to cool for school, which made me mad, but successfully got my attention. Then he started being paying attention to me and flirting to confuse and intrigue me-which again worked. So then, when it came down to it, and I was starting to think maybe he wasn't the worst ever, he convinced me we should talk more 'outside' of church. So I looked at him, smiled a little, and wrote down my number, handed to him and said, "Well then...call me maybe" at mutual one night. What can I say, I've always been REALLY shy haha. Anyways, after that, we were both history. As the years went by, we fell more and more head over heels for each other, and now here we are, 8 years later, married with a kid on the way.

I guess that is the reason why I like this song. Each line of the chorus is us in a nutshell-like when she says "Its hard to look right, at you baby!"...I remember liking each other so much that we could only look at each other only for so long before we'd turn away, because we were so nervous excited to be looked at like you were the only thing in the world! Or when she talks about the other boys trying to chase her-I had tried going on dates with a few other boys in my ward, but none of them ever caught my attention the way Lester did! Right guys? I can't be the only person who's been there! Remember those days where you felt like you might explode because you liked you someone so much? I JUST LOVE IT!

So, we may be older, and we may be more responsible, but when I hear this song, all I can see is high school Julia & Lester with that feeling of a new, earth shattering crush, so new and exciting it makes you want to sing and dance your heart out because  of all the wonderful anticipation of what can come!

Why Do This

When Lester and I were engaged, we talked about future things, like how many kids we wanted to have. Both of us agreed that we wanted at least a few. However, since being pregnant I have rethought that haha. So a few weeks ago, I posed a question to some of my good friends who have recently had kids. We do it in forum style, and in reading some of their questions and feedback on other subjects, I knew they were the right people to ask. I felt like I could trust them to answer me without judging haha! Here is what I said:


"I have a question..as you are all well aware, pregnancy is ROUGH. Between the lethargy, nausea and vomiting, migraines and all around achy-ness, my self esteem is SHOT haha! My question is, how in the WORLD do people talk themselves into doing it more then once? Do you just forget how awful it is and block it out? Because at this point this growing baby is going to be an only child haha.."


Of course, when I wrote this, I was feeling pretty down. But as they always seem to do, these amazing women all had excellent things to say that were honest, and encouraged me and reminded me why I'm doing this. I hope they don't mind that I quote some of the things they said here, because I think they should be shared.


Their responses were extremely honest, which made me feel better:


"So far I'm not talking myself into it. IF we have another, I'll let you know how I convinced myself. That's going to take A LOT of convincing. LOL"


"I definitely think there is a certain amount of amnesia that you experience after you have your baby. I knew my first pregnancy was pretty rough, but I think I really did forget until I got pregnant with this one. Then suddenly it was like "Was I really this sick before? Was I really this tired before? How did I DO this before?!"


They were also extremely heartfelt and encouraging:


"You'll probably think all this yuckiness was worth it for this little one, and then when you get pregnant again you'll probably wonder it all again until you have your next little one in your arms. The 9 months might be rough, but I think you'll think it's all worth it once the little one has arrived! :)"


"Once you have that little one in your arms, the feeling is indescribable. It's funny, because almost as soon as they put *my daughter* up on my chest, I seriously didn't feel any pains anymore. No wonder we choose to have more babies!"


Of course, all of the responses were thoughtful, and full of great advice:


"Pregnancy/motherhood is NEVER without its challenges, but I think that's what makes us as moms fight so hard for the well being of our babies, as well as what makes us grateful for the good times. I struggled while being pregnant with my loss of independence (we moved two times and I could hardly do anything to help), but I would always come back to the fact that it was worth it for the end result....in short- being pregnant might not be fun, but you get something good from it that will keep you learning, growing, and depending on the Lord until you're old and gray and don't care about your physique any more! "


"Just don't be afraid to ask for help on anything and don't get down on yourself, your body is working so hard to create that beautiful baby. "


They all ended with words of excitement for Lester and I on this journey, and I could feel their love and support of me and I do this. Someday, I hope to make a book out of this blog, and these are things that I hope to look back on when a need a reminder of the reasons Im 
doing this. 


PS: The font is being funny, sorry about that! 

Teeth Misery: A Rant

*I hope if you are reading this you are prepared to hear me be a bigger baby then the one growing inside me right now-bc I am feeling pretty discouraged. So stop here if your not interested.*

All I want more then anything in the whole wide world right now is to be able to brush my teeth. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I am currently sitting here balling my eyes out because without fail, every time I stick a toothbrush in my mouth, even for two seconds, I throw up. I don't know why this bothers me so much-obviously I don't want cavities and the taste of vomiting is not appealing, but I think more then anything I just feel completely out of touch and out of control of my own body. When even hygiene becomes a task, my already fragile self esteem takes another huge hit. Every morning, I think to myself . "Before Lester gets home, I want to smell good. I want to look pretty. I want to spend one measly little day ralph free." But I can't. Which means I feel stinky, ugly, gross, and guilty because Lester's so nice about it. I AM OH SO TIRED OF FEELING LIKE THIS.

If I don't brush my teeth, I not only have bad breath, but also a bad taste in my mouth potential teeth corrosion. Yet when I even attempt to brush my teeth, I barf, which means its defeating the purpose anyways right? Because then I still get a bad taste in my mouth and am hurting my teeth. I just feel like its a lose lose situation. Sometimes, I will throw up even if I haven't eaten anything recently. For the last three mornings, it has been water mixed with lots of yellow bile. And of course, the closer I have to get to the toilet, the more grossed out I get, which means I throw up more. Its just a bad cycle all around.

I have taken to having about 4 Altoids every morning after I attempt the teeth brushing, just so I can stop tasting. Is this to be my routine for the next six months? Or is there another solution? Does ANYONE ANYWHERE have any input or experience with this? If so I would appreciate the help. If not, I understand, and I will see you in six months, when I actually am fit to be seen in public again.