Jonah Days

some days are good. on those days, i feel like lester is so lucky to have a wife like me. i am organized, on top of everything, look good, am sweet and everything is done on time and well. and some days are bad. my mom and anne call these jonah days. on these days, i feel like a failure and like people who don't know me are lucky. i lose things [important or not] constantly, can't seem to get anything done on time, and the things i do get done are done completely wrong. b/c of that, i am so busy trying to get my life together that i look like a mess, am impatient and easily hurt, and just over all ridiculous. the worst part is that it is not as if these things are circumstances that are out of my control-everything in actuality IS my fault, so i can take no comfort or solace in things being unavoidable, like with other unpleasant things. i am convince that when people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, it is not because of the person you are living with-it is because you have to adjust to being wonder women, in school, the home, church and everywhere. and when you aren't feeling up to the challenge, you can't just tell yourself that the only person its affecting is you. cuz its not anymore. now you also have a husband, calling and whoever else to hold it together for.

well. today is one of those days. i just hope that what anne says is true-that tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it. because really, today is chalk full of them and i just feel like crawling into a ball, closing my eyes and not waking up till i have gone from an ugly, grumpy and hateful caterpillar to a beautiful, perfect and admired butterfly, for my sake and everybody else's.