Made From Love

Tonight as I was sitting alone trying to pass the time, I put my hand on my stomach out of habit. Her foot, which had been in a completely different region moved across my stomach and met up directly with my hand and gave it a good kick. This is not unusual. These days, she never stops moving. But still it was so directed it made me laugh. So I experimented. I took my hand off my stomach and put it in another spot. Two seconds later, and boom, she round housed me right in the palm. I moved it again, and sure enough, she foot fived me in a totally different spot.

We kept playing this game for a while. Every day, every minute it just feels like she is more of a real, live person with her own personality and spunk. And I just feel so silly, and so blessed to be able to be her Mom. Lester talks to her every day. Even if she is not being super active, she moves to the sound of her Daddy's voice. She knows it.

I don't know. Is it possible to be head over heels, completely in love without meeting a person? Because we both are. These last few days/weeks feel like an eternity...but I cherish even these small moments where we communicate our love to her until we get to hold her actually in our arms. Stevie Wonder put it best in the song we sing to her now every day:

Isn't she lovely?

Isn't she wonderful?

Isn't she precious? 

Less then one minute old.

I never thought through love we'd be

making one as lovely as she

Isn't she lovely? Made from love.

Isn't she pretty?

Truly the angels best.

Boy, I'm so happy.

We have been heaven blessed.

I can't believe what God has done.

Through us he's given life to one.

But isn't she lovely? Made from love.

[Our new decoration Lester picked out the other day. Love it!]

Fun in Bricktown

Tonight Lester and I got to go on our last date before we become official parents. We went to the scenic  area of Bricktown. Over the last ten years or so, they have been developing Bricktown into a mix of fun new things to do with a mix of old town charm. It is unlike any place Lester and I have ever been and we really enjoyed it. We plan on going back many more times while we are here. Tonight, we enjoyed the gorgeous River walk, with all its lights, murals, entertainment and food options. We stopped at a place Chocolate Cafe afterwards before eventually heading home. On our way, we saw the most incredible lighting and thunder storm. There were times where it literally lit up the whole world around it, and ended in huge bolts. Again, amazing.

 It was a very simple, fun night. and we loved every second of it. We are so looking forward to all the exciting changes coming our way, but I'm glad we had this opportunity to just enjoy being the two of us and reminiscing on the last wonderful 2 years.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering why this will be our last date night when there is in fact 5 more weeks before our due date, this has changed! HOORAY! We went to our regularly scheduled doctors apt yesterday, and were told that she is in position, effaced, and I am already dilated to a 1-which really is basically nothing haha. But he said that she is big and healthy enough at this point that for her sake, and for mine, if she doesn't come within the next little bit naturally, that we are inducing at the latest a week before my due date. This means that at the LATEST she will be here on the 19th. He says he expects her to come sooner though-any day now. He even had us register at the hospital already, in case she came that night haha. So anyways-we are SO excited and so ready. I realize we will be trading some difficulties in for a whole new set of one-but we are excited for the challenge and our sweet baby girl!

Anyways-here's hoping you are having as good a night as we are-time to watch the Avengers-peace out!

[Next time, we are going to get pictures before it gets dark out so you can better see how pretty it is! But until then here are so pictures of the River walk and what not.]

I Will Get There

I've never really had low self esteem-and to be honest I still don't haha. But I admit-right now I'm finding it hard to look at myself without getting discouraged. There is of course the hives that make me feel like I look like a reptile; then theres the massive stomach I have, and the stretch marks. And of course, since I'm trying some new treatments, I have to shower three times a day to keep the itch at bay, meaning theres no point in doing my hair and wasting makeup. Sigh. I admit...I miss feeling pretty. I guess I never really appreciated those basic things until now...so I guess that is a lesson in itself.

This then leads to me look through old pictures from when I wasn't pregnant [which feels like and eternity ago..] and long to look like that again. Stretch mark free, hive free, massive stomach free, etc. I always told people I couldn't wait to be pregnant because then I'd have an excuse to gain as much weight as I wanted; but now I realize how silly that was.

The good news of course is that its temporary. Even if it takes some time after she is born to get back to a point I'm happy with, I realize that it is doable and that I will get there. I just hope its sooner rather then later I guess. I would like to feel somewhat attractive again-not just for other people, but for myself. I guess I will just try to think of it as good motivation. Ugh-until then I guess I will try to block out my low points, and consider the super nice things people say about how how I'm 'glowing' as a compliment. Little do they know that the reason I am probably glowing is because I'm so freaking hot I'm melting haha.

Anyways-only 34 more days till my due date [yes, I'm counting and I don't even feel bad about it]. Then it will be all about baby and all about getting back to before...and I am so looking forward to that! I've included some of those old pictures, and a song that helps me put things into perspective. Like it says..I WILL GET THERE!

PS: I'm sorry if you guys are getting tired of reading about the same old things...I wish I had more exciting stuff to tell but this is just whats up right now for us. Hopefully that will change soon-but it is what it is I guess!

                        

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I've been debating about whether or not I wanted to blog about this, but now that I kind of have a bit of a handle on it, I think its important that I do. As I've said about a million times, the first trimester was really hard, but the second and third have been fairly easy. The symptoms that people had tried to prepare me for weren't showing up to bad, and I was looking forward to a normal, routine pregnancy that would allow me to focus on adjusting to our move and getting ready for her to make her debut.

Well, about two weeks ago, I got what I thought was just a routine bug bite. It was red and itchy, but I didn't think much of it. However, within the next few days I got several more. By the end of the week my entire torso was covered in similar ones. Lester wasn't getting any at all, so we started to look for options as the itching and burning was starting to get pretty difficult. At one point, we sincerely thought that it might be bed bugs, which was mortifying. We began frantically treating for them, worrying that if it was, that all the preparation we had done for her would be wasted. However, it got to the point where I would be in the middle of Walmart and I'd suddenly have a severe breakout of the new hives and be in tears. Plus, our apartment has routine monthly pest control, and in looking they said they thought we were clean of them. At this point we were very confused-it didn't seem to be bed bugs, we had switched back to our originally laundry detergent, and I wasn't eating or doing anything differently. But it was to the point where I couldn't sleep anymore because now, my hands and feet were absolutely covered as well. Even to the point where I couldn't walk because the hives/blisters on my feet would turn into raw bloody open skin and my feet were also severely swollen.

I had been holding out for my routine doctors appointment on Monday, hoping I could at least go till then. But after some research I read about a certain condition, I thought it might be that. Plus, I was an emotional and physical wreck-so we decided to call in and see what they said. They were SO kind and sympathetic, they moved my appointment up to right the next morning. This was also our first appointment with my new doctor-the one who will be delivering our sweet daughter. He was GREAT. I felt like he talked to me on my level, but didn't make me feel dumb for not knowing everything and for having a hard time this.

In the end it turned out I was right. I have a condition that 1 in every 300 pregnant women get called PUPPP [Pruritic Urticarial Papule & Plagues of Pregnancy]. There is no explanation as to why some women get and most don't-but it basically causes red itchy hives and blisters in the third trimester of a women's 1st pregnancy. The good news is it is in no way life threatening, and it won't affect the baby at all. Its also good news to me [again] that its not bed bugs and it won't get certain parts of my body. The bad news is that the only cure is guess what-having a baby haha! So I will be stuck with these hives either for the next five weeks, or at least until she comes. After that, they should go away within a week or two and I will be hive free again! Yet ANOTHER reason I want her to get here early haha! Although they can't clear them, they were able to offer lots of options for relief. I've currently got about 3 three medications they've prescribed that should help alleviate the itching and pain, so although they are ugly and annoying, I should be able to function, which is all I want. I'm also to the point where I have weekly appointments, and my doctor is making them very close, to make sure I'm doing well and so is my baby.

Anyways, I guess I wanted to blog about this because its part of my life right now, but more importantly, to let people know this exists haha. I think one of the hardest parts about this process was not knowing what was going on. Nobody prepares you for this, because most people don't know about it! But now you do, [if you've read this far..] an if you or someone you know ends up being in the super exclusive PUPPP club, they will be able to find some relief a lot sooner then I did.

Ultimately, Lester and I think this has been one of the hardest few weeks of our life, not just for medical reasons but several others. But we can see the light at the end of this tunnel and it is fastly approaching thank goodness. I can't tell you how much we've appreciated all your love, help, support and prayers. We feel them, and we love you all for it. Thank you again, and know that we are thinking of you and are excited to share our little reward with you when she comes!

I Can't Wait!

I feel like people who say "I can't wait!" are a little silly, because with most things, you are just gonna have to wait whether you like it or not. I know, because right now, with every somersault or kick my daughter gives me I feel like shouting "I can't wait! Just get here already!" But that doesn't change the fact that she won't come until she's good and ready-which probably won't be a good six weeks for now. I'M JUST SO EXCITED IS ALL!

Lester acts like he's all ice cool and he can wait, but I can't tell you how many times I've walked into our room and seen him straightening the covers in her crib, or pulling out, then putting away the stroller. He admits that it feels like she's here already, and the sooner she's home the better.

I know everyone says there is no way you can be ready, and I am sure that's true-but when it comes to having everything we need, I think we do [much of which is due to the generosity of all our friends and families!]. We have her crib set up, and her infant/toddler car seat all ready and waiting. Our stroller is here, complete with bassinet attachment and toddler seat for later. We have our diaper bag packed with what were told are the necessities, and even our closet is set up with her washed clothes, divided into the proper months. And of course, we have the changing table/station set with diaper genie and all that jazz. Plus, opposite to the weight loss at the beginning of this pregnancy, I have doubled in size lately and while I don't mind to much, I would like to stop before I look like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. Ah, its all just so stinking crazy and exciting that I had to share s few pictures...is that weird? Its probably weird. But I don't care! Because at the risk of sounding like all those silly people I was referring to earlier, I JUST CAN'T WAIT!

 [see I wasn't joking when I said she has almost as many clothes/shoes and stuff as I do!]

[her cute crib-Lester leaves it open as if she's gonna be put in at any second haha. And don't worry, the boppy is for when I feed or hold her, it won't be in her crib when she's here.]

 [car seat]

[stroller-again, it starts with bassinet and goes to toddler seat.]

[see, she needs to get here before I get any bigger!!]

Based on Friendship

I think I mentioned before that while still in school, I was able to take a Jane Austen class. While I know that her writing and stories may not be everyones cup of tea, I think those that truly understand her writing and stories can appreciate how revolutionary her work was and is. The fact that her stories continue to be relevant and stand the test of time is a testament to that. Anyways, among these works are some of my favorite prescriptions for normalcy, when everything else in life can be changing. I would like to high light one of my favorite lessons she has taught me-there are many but this one has been on my mind a lot.

In Sense and Sensibility, we see that the ideal relationships and marriages are based first on respect and secondly on friendship-and then built up from there. I think the current consensus is that things need be crazy and dramatic and exciting all the time in relationships-like Marianne says in Sense and Sensibility-'to love is to burn-to be on fire.' But she quickly learns that this is not true-to be on fire is to feel passionately, but you will inevitably get burned in the process and possibly never recover what you've lost. True love doesn't just spark brightly and then fizzle out once the passions gone. It endures, constant, bright, consistent and endless. It can be plain, and unexciting, even boring at times-but it will never fade. And that in itself is beautiful-this is a relationship built on the solid principle of friendship.

When we were younger, Lester would get me yellow roses which I guess stand for friendship, unlike the romanitc red ones. This was even after we'd been a couple-I remember one time he told me the saleslady said are you sure you don't want the red one for your girlfriend? I think she was worried he was sending the wrong message or something-but he was confident in the yellow ones, and they did the job of both making me his friend, and eventually more. I know that in my life I can honestly say just as Edward said to Eleanor, even in a moment of resigned heartbreak, 'your friendship has been the most important of my life'. And he can know that he will always have mine in return. The thing that has carried Lester and I through these small two years of marriage and many years of dating-through being apart, through being broke like a joke, through hard times, boring ones and happy ones is our friendship. We always find things to talk about, even the mundane, and we laugh more then should be aloud. We stopped being embarrassed around each other years ago, because friendship requires trust and is solidified through time and experience.

To be honest, I'm having a bit of a harder time adjusting to this place and new life then I would like to admit. Unfortunately, Lester's schedule is through the middle of the night, meaning he leaves and 7:30 PM, gets back at 7:30 AM then sleeps till about 3 or 4 PM just to be able to handle the next night. He works so hard, but I think being pregnant and spending a majority of my time alone is testing me. There are times where I feel completely alone and like I have no friends. But at the end of the day, I live with my best friend. And even if we don't get to spend much time together, OUR friendship endures, and the promise of this gets me through and helps me to look forward to each moment we get to spend together. Anyways-I know this is long and mushy, but it was something I need to remember in the moments when I feel alone next haha-I will leave you with Shakespear's Sonnet 116, which is quoted by Marianne several times, but never truly understood till the end of her journey to Colonel Brandon. It continues to ring true in my marraige.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wand'ring bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom:

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Last Days Home & Our Big Move

Our last few days at home were bittersweet to say the least. We are excited to start this new adventure and get our life going, but we will miss the bay and all our peeps. Among hanging out with Grandma and the rest of my family, we did a lot packing and preparing for the cross country ride, but we were able to fit in a few more fun things before we left. One of them was hooking up with my old LDSBC roomie and her husband. It was a lot of fun seeing parts of the city we take for granted through their eyes-made me appreciate it a lot more. They are such a fun couple and we had a blast.

We also were surprised to be graced by GORGEOUS weather our last day here..so after everyone got off school and work, we hopped in my Dad's truck and went to get some burritos from our favorite place then back over to Chrissy Field and Fort Point. We also stopped at Baker Beach again on our way home, where we ate, got blessings, watched some shows and played a few hands of Monopoly Deal. It was literally the perfect end to our stay, and we are so grateful for the time we had and all the laughing we were able to do.

Anywho, now, after a seemingly never ending road trip at times, we are in our new apartment, setting up and settling in. We went from California, to Idaho, to Wyoming, to Colorado, to Kansas, to Oklahoma. It took us several days, with lots of stops for bathroom breaks and stretching haha. We were also hauling a small trailer, which made it longer. But we did get the chance to see some close friends, see more of our country, talk, and stop at a hotel one night.

So far, Oklahoma is good-very different but good. We love our apartment-it is a one bedroom but HUGE way bigger then our last two, and we can't wait to welcome our daughter to it-it almost feels like she is already here, and we can't wait! We also like the people so far-they all seem nice and friendly. We don't like the heat though-walking outside is like when you open an oven and get a burst of hot air. Its awful haha! Its also definitely a big city-but not at ALL congested. At home if something takes you 20 minutes to drive to, that's with traffic and your only driving a short distance. Here, if something is 20 minutes away you are seriously driving over tons of spreading land, non stop the whole time. Were still getting used to this. Its also farther from anything or anyone we know and that has been a little hard, I'll admit-but Hillary's in laws are here and they have been SO helpful, and we are excited to go to church and hopefully make some friends on Sunday. Also, were excited for Lester to start work.

So that is what is going on with us in our new home-we love and miss you all more then we can say-pray for us, and know that we are thinking and praying of you all over here in OKC! If your ever here, be sure and stop by!

[Above are from our double with our friends]

[Our last day home, with some of the family. They are crazy and we love them.]

[One of the few pictures we got from the trip-this is before we were towing, in Nevada.]