Teeth Misery: A Rant

*I hope if you are reading this you are prepared to hear me be a bigger baby then the one growing inside me right now-bc I am feeling pretty discouraged. So stop here if your not interested.*

All I want more then anything in the whole wide world right now is to be able to brush my teeth. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I am currently sitting here balling my eyes out because without fail, every time I stick a toothbrush in my mouth, even for two seconds, I throw up. I don't know why this bothers me so much-obviously I don't want cavities and the taste of vomiting is not appealing, but I think more then anything I just feel completely out of touch and out of control of my own body. When even hygiene becomes a task, my already fragile self esteem takes another huge hit. Every morning, I think to myself . "Before Lester gets home, I want to smell good. I want to look pretty. I want to spend one measly little day ralph free." But I can't. Which means I feel stinky, ugly, gross, and guilty because Lester's so nice about it. I AM OH SO TIRED OF FEELING LIKE THIS.

If I don't brush my teeth, I not only have bad breath, but also a bad taste in my mouth potential teeth corrosion. Yet when I even attempt to brush my teeth, I barf, which means its defeating the purpose anyways right? Because then I still get a bad taste in my mouth and am hurting my teeth. I just feel like its a lose lose situation. Sometimes, I will throw up even if I haven't eaten anything recently. For the last three mornings, it has been water mixed with lots of yellow bile. And of course, the closer I have to get to the toilet, the more grossed out I get, which means I throw up more. Its just a bad cycle all around.

I have taken to having about 4 Altoids every morning after I attempt the teeth brushing, just so I can stop tasting. Is this to be my routine for the next six months? Or is there another solution? Does ANYONE ANYWHERE have any input or experience with this? If so I would appreciate the help. If not, I understand, and I will see you in six months, when I actually am fit to be seen in public again.

Vacation & The Home Stretch

So-as you all know we have been having a very busy semester, full of new responsibilities and plans coming our way! For this reason, when the semester ended, and we had an opportunity for a break we figured we would go for it! So on Friday, we took our first pregnancy road trip, and used it as a trial run. While we did have to make more bathroom stops then usual, it went very well and we had a lot of fun just talking in the car.

Before heading all the way to Provo, where we would be staying for the trip, we stopped at SLC's famed Red Iguana for lunch. Maybe we just got the wrong thing, bc it was good, but we didn't fully understand the hype. Once at Hillary & Andrew's place, we caught up for a while, then called up some friends from home and spent the night playing ping pong, pool, ticket to ride and monopoly deal while catching up. There is something about lifetime friends that can't be replaced-it was a lot of fun.

On Saturday, after sleeping in, Lester and I met up with Mariah back in SLC. It was her 20th bday, so we took here to a bakery/cafe we'd been wanting to go to called Gourmandise. Now THIS lived up to our expectations! We had delicious sandwiches, pasta salads, and of course, cake and treats. We spent a few hours there just eating, laughing and talking. It was alot of fun and I'm glad that we were able to see her on her special day! After changing, we headed over to check out the new City Creek Mall. Again, super impressive-but we'll go over that more later. We then headed over to our friend Giddy's wedding. It was at a gorgeous old mansion called the Victorian, and it was a beautiful reception-almost as beautiful as the bride herself! We had a lot of fun seeing her and dancing. Upon heading back to Provo, we spent a few minutes enjoying the hot tub, before playing some monopoly deal in the lounge while watching Phantom of The Opera.

On Easter Sunday, we enjoyed several excellent lessons centered on many things, but especially Christ and his resurrection. We then went home, met up w Mariah and our friend Andy, made a cake and rolls for that evening, then headed over to my cousin Melissa's and her husband Zach's for a family Easter dinner. Everything was DELICIOUS and it was so much fun catching up with many of our cousins and family. We finished the night playing more games.

On Monday, we spent some time on campus, meeting up with one of my best friends, Michelle. We made plans for later that evening, and caught up on the basics, then headed over to J Doggs to meet up with Scotty, Andy and Jared again for some more good times. Then Lester and I headed back to SLC to further explore the City Creek Mall. The stores and the architecture were simply amazing-I highly recommend checking it out if you have the chance. After some shopping and eating, we went to the Jazz game, for which Lester had scored us some free tickets by shouting at the top of his lungs "beat the spurs." It was kinda surreal walking back into this place where I had spent so many hours working, but in a good way. The Jazz won, and we ended up seeing some old friends so overall it was good. After driving back to Provo, Michelle joined us as did Andy and we talked, played some more games then headed over to Denny's for shakes and some food. It was like the good old days, except I felt the affects of staying up late the next afternoon till I woke up haha! I guess I'm getting old-either that or the baby can't handle staying up late. After packing it all up, the 4 of us met up with Scotty and Andy for one last hurrah at Jdoggs. We said goodbye and thank you to Hill and Andrew for their wonderful hospitality and fun, then hit the road back to Rexburg.

Honestly, it was such a good time, and we felt so at home that we didn't want to leave. But such is life I suppose! Next week, Lester starts his LAST SEMESTER EVER at BYUI, and then we head home for a few weeks. Were in the home stretch!

I Miss You Excedrin

Sometimes, I wish my brain was made out of ice cream, so when I get migraines or head aches, I could just use an ice cream scooper to scoop out the painful part. Then I would replace it with a fresh new flavor and everything would be perfect. I would also never get brain freezes or fevers this way.

Have I mentioned I've taken a few tylenol and its late and I'm feeling a bit woozy?

We're Having a Baby..My Baby and Me!!!!!

So...its official...were ten weeks pregnant! OH WHAT! We are so nervous excited it is insane!

About 8 weeks ago, I started feeling really rotten all the time. I thought I might be pregnant, but when I took a test, it said I wasn’t. I was confused, but moved on. Then at the the end of the month, I got my typically crampy pains and thought my visitor was for sure coming. But after the month ended, I still had no visitor and was still feeling sick.I started to think it was time to take another test. Because I had taken one like two weeks before that, Lester humored me, but told me to brace myself for disappointment bc he was almost 100% sure I wasn’t pregnant. So that morning, when my stomach pains and achy muscles woke me up again at 4:00 in the morning, I took the test...and before I even had time to put it on the counter, it was positive. I went and sat on the couch, and decided that even though it was already clear, I would wait the required ten minutes-that maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. After triple checking to make sure I wasn’t going crazy, I walked in the room to a fast asleep Lester and whispered “I...I...think were pregnant.” I have never seen him shoot up so fast or so wide awake before! He asked if I was serious, and was I sure, checked it and we spent the rest of the night in absolute shock and excitement. We couldn’t sleep so we just talked and smiled for hours.

Its funny though, because I’ve thought about the day we’d find out we were pregnant for so long, that I think I thought I’d automatically just be endowed with some gorgeous light and automatic motherhood instincts-like I wouldn’t doubt my abiltiies, because after all, this is what we wanted. But for me at least, its nothing like that. From the second I found out, every possible worry and fear that lingered in the back of my mind came to the front; both normal and practical concerns, like finances, but also really ridiculous ones like, what were we thinking-I am the most unqualified, inadequate person to do this? What if I am just not cut out for motherhood period? I guess once it became real, I just got really scared. I think before, all I thought about was the fun parts of having a kid-like the cuddling, the clothes, the baby showers, the cuteness, and seeing Lester and me in a child. But somehow I completely neglected to think about the other realities-the constant sickness and feeling ugly, and miserable and lethargic. I think it scared me even more that Lester didn’t feel this way at all-I knew he was worried about me, but in every aspect, he was simply excited and as prepared as he could be. Apparently he did think of all the realities when we started talking about having kids, so he was just excited for this. He can’t wait to be a Dad, and I know he will be as good at that as he is at being a husband. While this was reassuring and he tried to be supportive and cater to me, I think the fact that he was so calm made me worry even more that maybe this was just me-like maybe he was qualified for this, but I was not!

But then one week, in the midst of all this, I decided I was going to force myself, regardless of how sick I felt to take a walk outside alone. I brought an Ipod and left. The weather was just like SF weather-cold and a little windy/foggy but not too terrible. I’d been praying and crying and looking for the peace and confirmation that my baby would be OK with me as a mother. I got it, in an unexpected place. John Mayer’s song ‘Heart of Life’ came on, and as silly as that sounds, as I listened to it, I thought of my Heavenly Father saying those words to me. How he hates to see me hurting and scared-but that he knows that I will see that the silver lining is worth it. That the pain and fears won’t last but the peace, happiness and fulfillment I get from doing this will. For the first time in my relatively short, but difficult pregnancy thus far, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm, happiness, faith and of absolute love for my child. My child. I am going to have a baby. And I am I am going to try the best possible Mom I could ever possibly be! I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Anywho, since then I have seen the doctor, and they have told me that everything is going extremely well. We even got to have an ultrasound and I walked away with my first ever picture of our sweet baby!

And let me tell you, our baby is a DANCER! As soon as the technician said she was going to stop the sonogram, as if on cue and saying, “WAIT don’t go!” our baby-no joke, there are no other words for it-started DANCING! It was like it was saying, “Mom, Dad look what I can do!” as if it knew we already were, and forever will be its most loyal, enthusiastic audience. AH I can’t even describe it it was to amazing! Both Lester and I couldn’t stop laughing in shock and excitement-its like seeing our baby, and getting a glimpse already of its personality made it all the more real. AMAZING!

As I said, I am 10 weeks [which is like 2 1/2 months], and my official due date is October 28th [my cousin Malia’s bday!]. Of course, this means we will go from Idaho, to California, to Oklahoma, where we will have our baby if everything goes well!!

This is probably more then you readers [if there are any of you who stuck through this post] ever cared or wanted to know about this. But this blog is for me just as much as it is for anyone else-and I want to remember every bit of this in detail if I can! Again, we are ECSTATIC and so happy we can finally share this news w all of you! Lastly, I would watch I Love Lucy with my mom when I was a kid, and this episode always made me cry, and think about someday when I'd get to be a Mom. I wanted to share it with you-grab a tissue box if you can and enjoy!

Worth Fighting For

I have lots of comfort movies for when I'm feeling down-among them are ones you'd expect like Pride & Prejudice, Anne of Green Gables, Avonlea, Disney ones, etc.

But perhaps not as typical are my trilogies. I previously mentioned my affinity for Star Wars, and I can watch the Indiana Jones movies over and over. But sometimes, I just gotta have me a Lord Of The Rings marathon. I realize I am once again nerding myself out, but I don't care. I love it for its message of hope and endurance against impossible odds, for seeking for the good and right, and for its message of overcoming.

Anways, while watching the Two Towers today Sam said something that really solidified to me why this is one of my favorite series, and it really rang true.

As Frodo is at the end of his rope, ready to give in to all the forces of evil against him, he confides in Sam his feelings of despair. Their exchange is as follows.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Sam:What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

Watching the news, enduring through hardships, big or or small, and seeing all the evil and uncertainty in the world, I feel that way. With so much darkness, how could the end be happy? Things will never be the same. I imagine Job in the Bible felt this way. But in the end, the darkness always passes and the light endures. A new day will come. I can make it through-and there is still some good in the world that is worth fighting for.

Anyways, I just loved this quote and thought I would share it. I hope you guys have comfort movies-they can make all the difference.

Exotic Animal Report #3: The Titanoboa

I really never expected to make this exotic animal thing a theme, but as you can see here and here its seems to have become a one. Apparently my Dad sensed it however, since occasionally he will call to tell me I've been slacking in the exotic animal reporting business, and my family is feeling deprived.

So, lo and behold, I have an update for you! Personally, this is a more scary I-wish-this-animal-never-existed-its-so-scary kind of an update, but the sources are reputable and I will just take courage in the fact that I will never see it in this lifetime. Unless there really are more of them in South America-in which case I will avoid it until there definite extinction can be confirmed.

Meet the Titanaboa-the stuff of nightmares. Existing in prehistoric times, this monster was 48 ft long, and 2,500 lbs and was the largest snake species in history. To give you some scale, that means it would reach waist height or higher on most people, and would be longer then the length of a school bus. The article I read calls it the T-Rex of snakes-it was bigger then even Hollywood imagined in its movie Anaconda. That right people-it was real, and scarier then the movie version. It fed on other titanaboas, large crocodiles, and fish; and to make it even worse, it lived in the water, making it a legitimate sea monster [take that all you skeptics who called my fear irrational! Good luck on your next cruise sucka!] Its remains were discovered in a coal mine in Columbia in 2005, in the form of fossilized bones. YIKES!

If you want further details or have a hunger for scary things, the Smithsonian will be making an exhibit of it soon and featuring a 2 hr movie with more details and freaky visuals. I have attached a clip in case you are not sufficiently freaked out. I will be here, trying not to to think about it when your done.

Personally, I prefer the Narwhal and Liger. This has been your exotic animal report via Julia. Until next time-that is, assuming they don't Jurassic Park this, bring it back to life and kill us all before then. Here's hoping!

My Cup Runneth Over

Well. its been a while. we've been very busy lately, with bouts of fun stuff, lame stuff, sick stuff, school stuff, etc. So I will just share the highlights. Last Wednesday was my official birthday-I think 24 is a good age to start lying about my age right? Haha joking! To be honest I wasn't expecting much simply because it was weekday, I was just finishing up being under the weather, and Lester was gonna be gone till ten that night. Before he headed out for work though he treated me to a drink from cocoa bean which was such a sweet simple thing.

I came home expecting to spend the rest of the day with tissues, Aladdin and just being by myself. I was so wrong, and so blessed. I am not exaggerating when I say I have the BEST friends and family EVER. First I got to open a bday package from my family with two Hitchcock blue rays, which was awesome. Shortly after that my good friend Erica came to visit me, with cookies and a sweet card. She was followed by my good friend Brittney, who spoiled me and took me out to lunch and dessert. We talked and laughed so hard-she knew I was going to be alone all day and I appreciate so much that she went out her way to spend time with me. After wards, she ever stayed and just hung out with me for a while. While she was here, my good friend Jenny [along w her son and strawberry lemonade cookies] came to visit along with my wonderful friend Paola [who had a dozen beautiful chocolate cupcakes!]. After enjoying them, my good friend Carra and I went out for dinner at Wingers, and had a blast there. Once home, the Kennedy's stopped by with red velvet cookies for me and some good visiting! By the time the stream of friends and treats stopped, Lester got home about 15 minutes later...see I wasn't exaggerating when I say I was SPOILED.

The ironic thing was, because we hadn't really planned on doing much the day of, we had planned a party on Saturday. Again, we were surrounded by people we love and who love us and had so much fun playing games [spoons, horse racing & do you love your neighbor] and eating the delicious caramel cake that Lester made. Over all, it was an incredible birthday and I'm still feeling the love from it.

The only other news I have to share is about Lester. Since the day I met him way back when, he has always been a model priesthood holder, friend, confidant and helper to everyone he meets. Today, our ward was being split from two wards to three, meaning they were adding a whole new ward to our Stake. The day before yesterday, we got a call from a member of our Stake Presidency asking if they could meet with us. Well, he told us that the new bishop had been called to preside over our ward, and in praying over who his counselors should be it was clear to him that the Spirit led him to Lester's name. So today he was sustained as the 2nd counselor in the bishopric. I am so proud of him. When asked what his response was to this new calling, Lester told the counselor that he felt overwhelmed. But then he said he understands the church, and he understands that the Lord knows him, and that if this is what the Lord wants of him, he trusts that it is right even though he is overwhelmed. This I think is one of the many reasons Lester is, or will become, qualified for this position. He is a humble. He is kind. He can be quiet and meek. But he has a strong faith that shows through to people even when he isn't meaning to. He puts stock and care in the things that matter, and will always give a 100%. Again, I am proud of him, and although I know he is nervous, I know he will be great and he will give this, as he does everything else, his all.

I myself feel overwhelmed to have the friends, family, husband and support systems I do. My cup runneth over..